#its just not worth it fam
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semiotomatics · 1 year ago
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UPDATE: remembered what it was, all is once again right with the world, thank you everyone for your support and encouragement during this difficult time
im losing my mind
i was watching a youtube video, thought of something i wanted to look up, opened google on my phone, got distracted and then forgot what i was going to search for. i then spent the rest of that video and am now into the next and i still can't remember what it was!! and its driving me directly to the mall!! literally no one can help me but i needed to tell someone bc i fear the gaping maw of my own ignorance may otherwise eat me alive
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samwisefamgee · 1 year ago
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The funny thing about constantly telling yourself that things could be worse is that sometimes. They are :)
#youd think the moldy trailer was gonna be rock bottom#but apparently its staying in a basement covered in the dust of a thousand thousand catshits#with the same people who traumatized me over 22 years until I moved into the moldy box in the first place :)#because im STILL dumb enough to believe their promises after decades of betrayal! or more accurately i dont get the choice lol#either way if i dont get outta here fast it is game the fuck over. been too much mental and physical pain for this shit to be worth it#fucked anyway given how much debt and permanent degenerative damage has been done but at least I can live whatever shit years I get left#in relative peace#I mean fuck I used all my fucking energy yesterday doing shit for them instead of taking care of my own stuff and WHY#all I got was get asked over and over to work even fucking harder like what the fuck did I expect#years pass and nothing changes for the better with these people what the fuck#and even if I DO manage to find somwhere to stay with folks who WONT lie to me for years to abuse my labor and psyche#I'll be broken in body and mind and spirit and ill need a job within the week to not fall behind#i still havent gotten on my feet and every attempt to rely on family. no matter who.#was just an excuse for them to use me for all I had for nothing in return#cant exactly find roommates with no money no credit no will to live and 20 problems on top of that that mean I cant pay rent yet#and without any family who wont try to kill me slowly or any friends who arent so fucked themselves they cant help its lookin like#im fucked once again gang#to think i was so fucking close to escaping all of this before the pandemic happened lol. even what I had then just isnt possible anymore#if I hear one more baseless 'things get better with time :)))' I WILL vomit until I choke to death like buddy that just isnt true sometimes#straight up some people are born to eat shit and die. babies get cancer. its been 24 consecutive years of eating it and I aint whistful fam#not anymore at least#keep sayin 'well it could be worse' when its about the worst its been and youre just asking fate to prove you right#only reason Im not completely homeless instead of technically homeless is that folks actually on the streets are much tougher sort than I#gonna jinx this whole fuckin rant but it really is a fuckin joke. i cant live like this but most folk Ive met on the street#would jump the moon just to live in the moldy trailer I got kicked out of let alone a filthy basement.#this COULD be a home I could work and live out of. fellas is it picky to prefer despair over living with people who traumatize you#does that answer change depending on circumstance and time or is there truly no justification in not making your life worth it#or am I really just the pathetic stoner burnout dropout that my folks see me as? I mean categorically yes.#is there any justification redemption or even just comfort to be found in that state considering the Weight that induced it#does it even matter if no other person knows what that Weight has been or for how long its built. if no one ever will know? whats the point
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3416 · 1 year ago
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it’s the way i live in michigan and am having the same thoughts as you re: spending money to catch leafs games. i’ve never been to toronto so i’ve been heavily thinking of just road-tripping it up to catch at least one game in their home stadium this season. i say spend the money and use the miles, we can enable each other 🤩😭😂 you’re a gem, babe. love your blog!
OHHHHH THAT WOULD BE SO MUCH FUN FOR YOU!!! hope you get the chance to do that. i'd fucking love to live close enough to toronto that visiting was doable some day... the DREAM. and i wanna walk the halls of scotiabank and see the big wall w mitch n auston on it... i've actually been to toronto before but it was before i was a fan and only for a day .. little did i know what i was missing 😭 ANYWay YES!! you'll have to keep me updated if you do that!! i'm looking at the columbus dates, possibly probably pittsburgh, and potentially san jose, but we WILL SEE!! it's all about the friends i can meet and hang with too 😭😭😭
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ereh-emanresu-tresni · 2 years ago
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brella-boi · 2 years ago
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Kinda insane how you can go from a loving found family and queer household where you dont need to pretend and you can find joy with the people youre around just being yourself and then come back to the household you have to return to wearing 5 layers of masks to survive
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whumping-valentine · 8 days ago
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I knew this was about the sims the second you mentioned painting easels lol
i keep getting fines for “excessive water consumption” it’s not my fault that the basement prison cells all need their own toilets and showers. and like the prisoners are not pulling their weight AT ALL. all they do is sleep and be scared of the rats all day instead of painting with the easels i provided so the fines are really putting a financial strain on the household. if i didn’t need them for their plasma i would have killed them all already because this is nottt as financially lucrative as i thought it would be
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burnthybread · 4 months ago
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>tried to be ultimate good friend by never talking to ky friends abt my issues because they were too extreme
>now have no one who cares
#this is ENTIRELY my fault#even if they wouldnt have listened to me no matter what i sure couldve sussed that faster and eventually found people who would#sorryy im just after seeing debs pics from people in primary and feel awful upset now that 1) im not going#(self sabotage + insecurity + the whole suicide mindset i still have + no way in fuck would my parents. yeah)#and 2) just not supplementing it w anything ☹️☹️ my friends get to celebrate and be celebrated the world over for doing their leaving +#graduating. its just me and my dear friend not going#i made a vent art thing ages ago abt that NEVERRR to post i would never. but just how neither of us are going debs#but her family wouldve killed to have her go and now she never can. and how im not going out of choice#and how awful i am for not taking opportunity while im alive and shes not#but. nothing will ever like make me feel happy. as im learning#this summer has really been me coming to terms w the fact i do have depression and just will never be ‘happy’ as a default#will never. be able to do things#im Sick is what i am. its lit a sickness#and treating it likethat instead of fighting it might unfortunately be the realistic and rational and best way forward#which is very embarrassing for me and so hard to accept because ive always been a Fi. no i Was a fighter#and then she passed away i just crumbled lol. im still not half the person i used be#i used likeeee strive for greatness. because its all i could do and i had to fight for a better life as a gay person as someone w a rough#fam. but then she died and nooothing was ever worth it again. whats the point if people can just die so suddenly#she deserved so so so much. the world like#sorry debs just makes me think of her. of course it would like#.. can i hust be evil now and say i wish my friends wouldve. wanted me to come#THEYRE NOT MY FRIENDS ! i have this sorted. this has been established.#i need ro get over that. or rathee have them stop coming to ky mind#im talking
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mazekingdom · 1 year ago
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alexander skarsgard????????????? really????????
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seat-safety-switch · 3 months ago
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Bicycles kick a lot of ass these days. When I was a kid, a bicycle would only go as fast as you could pedal. Maybe, if you were really a huge asshole, you could take the bus to the big city and buy one of those mini-moped kits from a motorcycle shop. Then you could break playground-zone speed limits with enough two-stroke burble and pop to arouse every police officer within thirty miles.
Nowadays, you can slap some Chinese-made wonder magic on your Norco and do three or four horsepower without even knowing how to solder. In fact, it's much better if you don't know anything about electronics, because that level of knowledge will prevent you from extracting the maximum value out of your investment of "some vape batteries" and "a motor I found on Amazon whose name YouTube can't consistently pronounce." Electrical engineers are just too damn afraid of fire to go really fast.
Sure, you have to show fealty to the all-knowing microcontroller inside the magic motor box. Pinky-swear to it that you live in the hypothetical lawless wonderland that would allow you to have this much wheel-bending, mind-melting torque on a public pedestrian pathway. Honestly, it's its own fault if it believes a shifty character such as yourself. Not that the local cops are going to pull over Bob Tongsheng on his way to deposit your money in his bank, either. It's this kind of primitive hot-rodding that once made this country great: neglecting the existence or worth of anyone and everything outside of your vehicle in lieu of Go Fast.
Sure, this sort of thing will only last for awhile. Pathways are already filling up with lots of zingy e-mopeds and e-deathscoots, ridden by perfectly normal people. Your 1500-watt stealth bomber build is going to get pulled on by a pensioner within a year or two, as the market begins to demand enough cargo room (and rollover protection!) to do a once-a-month Costco run with the entire fam in tow. Inevitably, the cops are going to have to crack down on the whole deal, too.
For a glorious, shining moment, you too can dig a rusty mountain bike out of a creek and have it doing 50 miles an hour by watching a YouTube video. That's something previous generations simply could not have imagined. Which is their loss, really. If they had gotten off their asses earlier and figured out the lithium-ion battery, we could all be driving $100 50-horsepower ebikes right now instead of having to pay Big Battery for the "latest and greatest" in burning your garage down.
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moneymartin · 7 months ago
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OKOK SO I JUST SAW THE NOTIF!!
so hear me out…maybe reader is like a fam friend of Kate’s. They were best friends and played together all the time. They went to Iowa together, and are roommates. Reader plays volleyball, soccer, softball, wtv you want. And like a slow burn friends to lovers!!?? (i’m a whore for friends to lovers) i’m talking mutual pining, years of attraction and feelings…literally brewing for 22 years (kate’s going to be 24 soon, so like they’re moms were bestfriends so Kate and readers friendship started when they were like 2?)
PLSPLSPLSPLS IF U CAN!?😋
・❥・- no hard feelings.
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summary: basically the req lol. r plays soccer at uoi and kate is a nervous wreck 😭
warnings: none rlly… just the use of y/n if that even counts as one??? 💀
rpf!!! don’t read it if ur uncomfortable 😣
wc: 2.25k
a/n: not my usual stuff, i know. i’ve just been itching to write something about kate :( plz don’t unfollow me guys and don’t leave me mooties </3 🤧 i swear i’m going back on my yjs grind once school ends. every divider is a timeskip btw cuz this is lowk long and im layz asfk… also kind of messy i’m so sorry
NOT PROOFREAD!!!!
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22 years. you and kate have been friends for 22 fucking years, and she hasn’t picked up yet. your very obvious feelings for her are starting to fade the more she’s been avoiding them. it sucks so fucking much.
these stupid feelings started when both of you ended up at the same university and the same dorm. you never saw kate in that light. she was your mom’s best friend’s kid, and the rest was history. you played tackle football with her when she had nobody else to play with, practiced basketball with her. you two were practically attached to the hip. the same elementary, middle school, highschool, and the same damn college.
it wasn’t like you could just leave too. the scholarship you were offered for soccer was totally worth the taking, and you couldn’t leave behind the team either. the first few times you gained feelings for kate was when you were in middle school. ‘experimenting’ with your feelings. well, that was your guys’ excuse after you two losers got caught by her mom. after that it was just dating stupid boys to get your head out of it and your head off of kate. thankfully, she was trying to do the same exact solution. you knew a lot about her.
but the one thing you didn’t know was that she felt the exact same. she was just too scared to say it. its not like she wants to lose a 22 year friendship over her uncontrollable feelings. first thing she did was go to caitlin, and she was practically freaking the hell out over it. cait was definitely the anchor between the both of you. helping you with accidental arguments so you didn’t lose kate, helping you out with what to say when she was upset. it was good having someone like that, but it was so incredibly stressful having to consistently ask for some sort of advice.
eventually you were tired of it. tired of waiting for something to happen. waiting for a move to be made by kate or maybe just a few little hints that kept you going. although you couldn’t anymore. it was draining, like someone who didn’t realize what you felt about them. you told caitlin everything after that reality set in for you. it was the blinding of your feelings that let everything slip through your mind and basically fly over your head. how could you be so naive to believe that she did and you were just trying hard for nothing in return. it was dumb, and you knew that much.
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one night after a long day of testing and practice, you stumble your way into your dorm, the door locked and a frown crossing your face. the keys were in your stupid locker. “open the door, please..” you murmur, voice tired and confused. you bring your fist up to the door and knock softly, the sound of the lock clicking and the door creaking open. “jeez. soccer must’ve been a pain in the ass. you look like shit.” kate laughs, grabbing your arm gently to stable your body. letting out a heavy huff of breath, you lean slightly into her and drop your arms to your sides. “tell me about it.” she smiles and hoists you up carefully, locking the door and bringing you to the living room.
the moment your butt hits the couch cushion you let out a soft sigh and look at kate, her big stupid and soft eyes locking onto yours. the corners of your lips curl up slightly and you snicker, raising your eyebrows. “do you really wanna know? cause its a stupid story.” you exaggerate and rub the back of your neck. kate takes the spot next to you and nods continuously, her head leaning onto your shoulder. “trust me, dude. i wanna hear it.”
“kay, well… coach dilanni was being a total douche about what i wanted to practice. i mean, its fucking practice for a reason. i’m supposed to practice what i need to practice! not what he wants me to practice.” your voice gets a little low and you start to slur out your words. the repeated words and slow murmurs make her laugh a little, her arm hooking around your neck and bringing your head towards hers. “and he gave me so much attitude. like, the more i tried to defend myself the more he spoke over me. the old head was thinking about benching me during the champ game!!!” you blurt out and let out a groan.
she starts to realize just how tired you are and pouts, her head moving away, and her hands cupping your face. your head involuntarily moves to stare at hers, your eyes half open, your lips pursed slightly, and your head dropped down a little. “he looks like a nice old guy but deep down that man has some serious problems,” you grumble. “and don’t even get me started on the tests i had to take.” kate’s eyebrows raise and her face stills for a moment when you bury your face deep into her neck. your breath tickles at her skin and she feels shivers running up and down her back. you’re so tired you don’t even realize what you’re doing.
“y/n…” she breathes out heavily and you hear her swallow down whatever she needs to say. your head pulls out and you look at her with big eyes too, just like how she did earlier. water forms in your ducts as you try to fight off the sleepiness, but the way kate is looking at you makes it hard to get off of her. “hm?” you hum and drop your head against her shoulder. “never mind, okay.” her voice drops too and softens a bit, a familiar heat rushing up to your face when she runs her fingers up and down your back.
the warmth of her body and the relief you feel when you hear her voice makes your head spin like crazy. its like she knows what you feel about her and is just doing this to mess with you. the second your eyes shut, kate sucks in a sharp breath in through her teeth and practically manhandles you. gently, of course. but shes picked you up like a damn baby and you don’t have the slightest intention of stopping her from doing it.
your stomach spins and churns awkwardly from the contact. you’ve known kate all your life, but right now it feels like you just saw her on campus for the first time. after you got that news you guys shared a room together. you suddenly get the reminder of your feelings for her, like a shit ton of fireworks igniting in your stomach. more so reigniting. she brushes her fingers up against your face to move a few strands of hair from it.
kate likes you. she really fucking does, and its just the fact that she can’t spit it out no matter how much she wants to. no matter how much she wants to scream it from the rooftop and tell the whole world about how she feels. she thinks you’re the prettiest girl she’s ever seen and she has that gut feeling where she believes that you feel the same way. she isn’t stupid but shes smitten and that’s blinding her as well. just like how it did to you.
“y’know how we’ve been friends for like.. a bajillion years?” she laughs nervously and curls her lips downwards a bit. you know that shes nervous and its starting to make you nervous too. you’re starting to sweat a little underneath your shirt and you can somehow feel it under your skin. “yeah, why?” you ask and open your eyes to look at her face. its all red, her eyes open wide with anxiety, and her mouth slightly parted.
“okay, listen to me and don’t freak out… please.” kate squeaks out and moves her hands away from you. her reactions and jitters cause you to sit up and watch her every move just to make sure she really doesn’t start to freak. theres a feeling in your stomach that can’t really be put into words. it’s that feeling where you wanna throw up because of your nerves and the wanna jump off a bridge before you hear what she says. “i won’t go crazy, you idiot. what’s wrong with you?” you ask with a little chuckle but it quickly fades away when you realize what she’s about to say.
you’re not feeling this because you’re embarrassed of what she’s feeling. you’re just nervous and not used to it. at least thats what you’re telling yourself. there’s a little voice in your head repeatedly telling you to “calm the fuck down!” and it isn’t really helping. your brain is fried from the tiredness you feel too, but this seems really important. “nothing is wrong with me, i just dunno.. need to tell you something before its too late.” she whispers and tilts her head to the side a little, figuring out how she has to say it and if she really should let you know. now that she’s declared that she needs to say this little thing before its ‘too late’ confirms everything you need to know.
“this probably sounds stupid and dumb and i’m going to sound like the biggest loser in the world,” she starts, her voice cracking and her face contorting in different ways you’ve never seen before. in all the years you’ve know kate, shes never been so anxious and nervous about something like this before. its kinda scary. “but i think i’m like.. really in love with you.” she stumbles over her words and buries her face into her hands. it takes you a moment to process what she says as the sleepiness corrupts your mind. “i’m sorry, what?” you mutter.
“i said i like you!!!” kate blurts out and you watch her face turn the reddest you’ve ever seen it. you’ve been with her for almost all of her relationships and this is the first time her face has ever looked like that. her previous partners have never had her like this, they’ve never had her the way you have, and you’re realizing that just now. “oh.” you gulp. the words you’ve been waiting to hear for more than half of your life have finally been said, and it is the greatest relief you’ve ever felt in your life. and everything makes sense now.
the way kate brushes up against you in the halls, the fact she always walks you to your classes no matter how far hers is from it, her taking you to soccer practice, her watching your games like how you watch her, and the fact that you are the reason she blushes like she’s embarrassed herself. although she hasn’t, she’s just so into you, and nothing is gonna change the way she feels. “‘oh?’ is that it?” kate spits out and starts to panic a little. after she’s just admitted, she’s expected something different from you. maybe the same thing? she doesn’t know what she was expecting, it just wasn’t that.
your eyes widen and your face grows redder the longer you stare at her and when your tiny tired peabrain registers that she reciprocates what you feel. “no! that’s not it, stupid, i like you too!” you blurt out as well and push her shoulders. kate has a look of something on her face. you can’t tell what it is but she seems happy about what you said, and that makes your emotions explode. “okay, you know what? i love you, actually! i love you, i love you, i love you!!!!!!!!” you stutter out a bunch of times. years and years of hoping and waiting that she’ll finally do something comes to a stop. “i have my whole damn life.” you murmur, catching your breath slightly from the continuous shouting of your feelings at her. the burning and churning in your stomach goes away and is replaced with a certain sense of relief. a relief that you haven’t felt in ages.
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“oh so, you’re serious, serious?”
“yes, okay. i’m not joking, like i meant everything.”
“say you swear or i won’t believe one word you say.”
“i swear on coach dilanni’s life.” you giggle, fingers threading through kate’s blonde strands. her head is propped up on your chest and her eyes are slightly open. you two have been sitting there for about ten minutes, talking about why or how you even got these stupid little feelings for each other. but none of you are complaining. matter of fact, you’re both on the verge of falling asleep but the presence from each other makes you both wanna stay up all damn night if you could.
“he’s not gonna like that...” she murmurs, voice soft and slurring a bit. kate wraps her arms tight around your waist, her head moving into a more comfortable position. your hands are all over the place and you’re basically just messing up her hair, one of her eyes closing when a few strands get in her face. “you have no idea what you’re doing, huh?” her lips turn into that smile you know all too well now, and her eyes closing completely. a yawn escapes from in between your lips and she hears it, snapping her head upwards, that smile turning into a smirk.
“kiss me.”
and you do.
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trappednyourheart · 6 months ago
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Human-sized doll in the old ages?
(This is another Version of my original post that was inspire by Jason's doll, unlike Damian's. This one's for our Tim!)
My Original post for Damian's
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The Drakes were in another trip to England as a new business trip concerning a new museum had taken place a Auction to very Old items lost in time, and for the Drake's it was an opportunity to find something new and all...but the only one who stands out the most was the Human-sized doll.
For a hundred years old Doll it was gorgeous, they hesitantly carried it out, after they bought it..it cost them a fortune but it was worth it.
The dress maybe been Billion's of dollars or even pounds due to its quality and design..if people sell it of course- but no stains, no rips of anything, as if it was just newly made..the only thing standing out the most was beautiful emerald gem necklace lace with unique designs of a Dragon flames. flickering a green flame
It was gorgeous, the designs of the eyes. Green emerald that you might think it glowed ( Well we never know)
The height of the doll was that of a child no older than the height of there Son, Timothy when he was 8..
Now that they think of it..there son was interested in photography lately, maybe this doll might be in good use for modeling..
Yeah they should send this as a early birthday present
(Jesus Christ you couple just realized that?)
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According to the auction staff that had taken care of the doll for about fifty years,
It was actually the old man's family had been maintaining the doll passed over for about hundreds years ago,
This Doll was a Original, it wasn't a Replica or sorts to the real thing, This was The Real fortune, This Doll was said to be a request of a powerful and influencal Aristocrat house, said Unknown but Famous Duke held position of this Doll, As his Perfect Daughter
Talk about the creeps Janet Drake Got
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Which why the Doll was said to be haunted by the Soul of the Young child that the Duke was heard obsessive wanted to be his perfect daughter,
Similar Cases said by guards hearing soft taps of heels or ruffled sounds of a gown being moved or even giggles, whispers, or even a full on conversation with a voice of a young child ,Three unlucky Guards onces have check and investigate it out, before being passed out and muttering glowing green eyes and freezing so hard that they may have been in alaska.
Well being the Drake couple they are just completely ignore the Staff caretaker and send it to there only son, Timothy
Its surprised they haven't been killed yet after they had just left that curse mummy int there Goddamn house when visiting ancient Egypt-
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Timothy wasn't dumb, he was very minded in what his “parents” gave to him in his Early gifts, it wasn't a trinket, or another Mummified corpse that was stuck in the basement or equipment his mother wanted him to use for activities...
It was a doll, by the looks of it.
It was a girl's doll, in a glass case, it was looking at him, with a smile..you could see a teeth- was it supposed to be teeth? So white...it reminded him of that fairytale book..Snow white
With a beautiful Gown, but the most was the necklace, huh..so this was a gift, after he had found the note containing some birthday pleasantries and blessings and pity writing..from his parents.
This gift was considerately chose by his parents...he thought to his mind that this would be just another batch of a trinket being left in the basement
Boy...was he totally wrong
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Dick wasn't a man to complained, he was decent atleast in his own perspective, yes the whole family is definitely something but he wouldn't trade this for the world, except for that is to question Tim's....Ehem stuff, the whole doll..was definitely creepy, after the ordeal, yes Jason is back, but not in good terms, and the whole fam known that Tim was hiding something from them, and how it turns out, this is why privacy exist, now he can't stop looking at that child doll...and the visible thumps of those heels.
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Damian was questioning his choices, maybe he need to properly and carefully using his words now, after convincing and maybe caught Drake red handed, he known Drake was different but not that different for having a doll with the same height as him and look so realistic, if ever he doesn't want to bother asking or taunting Drake (for now) and may he be excuse, he needs to go to the barn to check with animals there ( he somehow still got that charm)
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puhpandas · 6 months ago
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call me a fake ggy fan but if they retconned it as not canon in the games by giving him a different backstory i wouldnt be that upset
gregory just being a homeless kid who was in the wrong place at the wrong time at this point could probably be better for him in canon with how he hasnt even appeared in 2 years. like i just want him to come back at this point and that character for gregory was always so perfect and bomb anyway. truly nothing wrong with it. ggy is super awesome but in some scenarios is unnecessary when there was nothing wrong with his character in the first place
and the story is getting so crowded and more and more time is passing irl with nothing for just the normal character gregory maybe they cant fit ggy in anymore with cassie becoming important. they missed their chance i think without it feeling strange and unsatisfying if they did suddenly, but thats prob whats gonna happen
i would rather them not bother and keep gregory as just a homeless kid than shove ggy backstory somewhere that doesnt fit in an unsatisfying way
hi mutuals im just curious.
#ggy the book is like its own fucking sub story like it feels like a whole different thing anyway#i wouldnt mind it being an alternate universe even if its retconned#of course retconning is bad but its not like theyre strangers to it#i think scott cawthon likes ggy too much to do that since ggy was a tftp book and he put ggy in chica in space#like i genuinely love ggy and think its awesome#as a book.#its very well written and has great characters and great story#for that book#like does ggy really have a place in the games?#with vanessa vanny mimic cassie the glamrocks??#not really#they cant even fit it in at this point#gregory has a backup to land on if they decided not to shove his backtsory into their already crowded story#nobody else does#i was a homeless gregory lover for that year before ggy released#so like i remember when that wasnt a thing#it was still great for him. that character does so much for him and makes 3 star fam more of a group of ratty misfits who found eachother#and 3 star fam and freddy anyway is so good for him if hes homeless#like idk it sounds weird im saying all of this as someone whos posted about ggy and was so adamant about ggy prequel hw2#but like i think after stewing in no screentime for just the normal character gregory for 2 and a half years#and the story getting more and more crowded as more irl time passes with nothing#maybe they should just drop it#i want gregory screentime more than ggy#and if that means hes back to being a homeless kid i genuinely wouldnt complain#i love that character for him. i think its perfect#ggy has a lot of potential but im not sure it can be realized or is worth trying to in a game#also sorry v for saying this in ur reblogs i thought i was reblogging from myself khsdhff#thoughts#ggy#pandas talks
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graciereadshannigram · 6 months ago
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hey fam, welcome to the May 2024 roundup of the best hannigram fics i've read this past month! i read several million words worth of fics, and these were the cream of the crop. i also managed to rewatch the show for the fifth time!! (unemployment has its perks lmao)
as a reminder: the ingredients for a five star rating typically (but not always!!) include some combination of a.) believable characterizations of both Hannibal and Will, b.) compelling plot and/or character arcs, and c.) high quality smut.
that being said, my judgment of the aforementioned ingredients is powered almost exclusively by vibes. as such, it is incredibly subjective.
you can find past rec lists below:
February March April
and if you have any recs of your own for me, PLEASE SHARE.
anyway, in no particular order, let's go!
~
Overcoming by purefoysgirl
Word Count: 547.5k Summary: A Victorian A/B/O romance in which Hannibal Lecter is the future Duke of Westvale who has been away at war for the past ten years. His Grandfather has made good on a contract made shortly after Hannibal's birth to procure him a wife. It was supposed to be easy. Naturally, with the Omega, Will, given in the place of his twin sister, it is anything but, because if there is one thing Hannibal Lecter despises, it's Omegas.
This fic had me holding back tears when it ended (after sobbing a couple different times). This was... incredible. What a fucking UNDERTAKING this author committed to, and despite this being a doorstopper of a fic, the plot did not miss a single beat. Just... wow. For the love of god, please read this.
Falls the Shadow by littlesystems
Word Count: 72.4k Summary: "You're a psychiatrist," Will says. "Between your personal and professional lives you must have met thousands of people, you must know dozens of different flavors of pathology. Do you know anyone who would take me as I am? Who would be able to love me," he gestures in a sweeping motion, from his messy hair to his stained knee, "just as I am?" "I do." Bedelia's words shock Will into stillness. “Really?” AKA an AU where Bedelia is Will’s psychiatrist instead of Hannibal, Will makes a series of increasingly questionable life choices, and no one should ever take Bedelia’s advice. Ever.
GIMME MORE STARSSSSSSSS. Bedelia as Will's psychiatrist was brilliant, holy shit. And Will understanding Hannibal and completely accepting him? This is something I see so rarely done in fics. Will always makes him be a lot less manipulative, or at least goes through heavy angst over it. But in this? Will was immediately endeared because that's just who Hannibal is.
Bram Stoker's HANNIBAL by DBMars
Word Count: 586.7k Summary: Love Never Dies. "I have crossed oceans of time to find you." Hannibal + Bram Stoker's Dracula + the classic novel = a new version of the seductive vampire legend. Count Hannibal Lecter loses the thing most precious to him -- the love of his life. God is beyond measure in wanton malice, and matchless in his irony. And so Hannibal renounces God, and becomes an immortal monster that feeds on the blood of the living. 400 years after losing his beloved, Count Lecter meets a man who looks exactly like the husband he lost -- reborn and returned. But who could learn to love a monster?
@dbmars you are a fucking genius. I am honestly still processing and figuring out how to communicate just how amazing this fic was. Do yourself a favor and go read it NOW.
the book of jonah by zipegs
Word Count: 18.1k Summary: A sudden breath of hot wind presses through the trees. For a moment, it feels fresh, alive, and then the dust—the pollen—comes along with it, a parasite hitched on the back of the breeze. Will is ravenous. --- After the fall, Will and Hannibal sojourn in a remote, decrepit cabin in South America while they await Chiyoh’s return. But something here is afflicting them, and it’s only getting worse.
Okay, bear with me. THIS WAS FUCKING AMAZING. I haven't felt this way after consuming a piece of media since I watched Guillermo del Toro's The Autopsy episode. Psychological horror mixed with body horror mixed with smut??? I guess that does it for me. I literally can't stop thinking about this fic. It's been two weeks and I am STILL thinking about it.
Wrong by HotMolasses (@snazzymolasses here on tumblr)
Word Count: 4.2k Summary: Will roughly rubbed his arm across his mouth again, trying to rub it off. Rub off the scent of Alana, after they’d kissed. After she’d kissed him. Or he’d kissed her? It was mutual. Until it wasn’t. Until Will breathed in her scent, so familiar, so Alpha, so…wrong. He’d pulled back forcibly, unable to hide the expression of revulsion on his face. “I…I need to go.” he said, sweeping his coat off the back of a chair on his way towards the door. “Lock up when you leave.” The weather was crap, and it probably wasn’t smart to drive in the snow while he was in pre-heat, but Will didn’t know what else to do. He needed to figure this out, he needed to talk to the only person who understood him. He needed to talk to Hannibal.
So ummmmmmm what do I need to do to turn this into like a whole AU?? As always, this was a total home run. Every single bit of it was perfect.
as soft, as wide as air by BlackKnightSatellite
Word Count: 193.9k Summary: After surviving the fall, Will finds he has far fewer hesitations about joining Hannibal than he would have guessed. Character death, but not Will or Hannibal.
Well shit. I read this immediately after a full rewatch of the show (in four days no less) and THIS is my new season 4 canon. It's brilliant and actually reads like a proper season would. And I love how it gives all the characters a concluded story line. Aside from Will and Hannibal. I also loved how much this explored Will's instability and how his mental state would be affected after he finally slung off all the guilt and allowed himself to fully enjoy killing. All around very good.
The Dispersal Method by @victorineb
Word Count: 16.9k Summary: It’s a normal fall day in the forest for Will Graham. Dead body in front of him, cannibal psychiatrist behind him, the usual. Then Will brushes against the wrong flower, and suddenly neither he nor Hannibal can keep their hands off each other. Now, Will must navigate his way out of the crime scene and Jack’s scrutiny while also trying not to jump Hannibal’s bones at every opportunity. Well, one out of three ain’t bad. Set nebulously in s2, post-Will's release from the BSHCI. Will’s a conflicted honeypot, Hannibal’s a (not-so) secretly-besotted asshole, and nobody has brought enough lube.
THIS IS THE BEST SEX POLLEN I'VE EVER READ. Seriously. The BEST out of pretty much any fandom (at least so far).
Between the Shadow and the Soul by raiast
Word Count: 48.7k Summary: When Will decides to stop taking his suppressants neither he nor Hannibal can deny the attraction between them. After nearly a decade of running from his biology, Will is faced with his primitive Omega urges full force. As if navigating his hormones wasn't enough, there is a killer at large with a very specific motive that seems to only be targeting preteen boys.
This might be my new favorite ABO fic? And one of the better case fics out there.
Sleepover by EarthsickWithoutYou
Word Count: 70k Summary: Set in Season 1, after "Fromage." Will is still confused about his kiss with Alana and seeks romantic advice on how to date and be more "smooth" from Hannibal. Little does he know that Hannibal is madly, passionately obsessed with him, and desperately jealous. Needless to say, Dr. Lecter is all too happy to teach Will everything he knows about love and dating.
This was pretty fluffy, tender, and fun, and it was exactly what I needed after finishing a heavier fic
Alana Finds Out by @victorineb
Word Count: 32.1k Summary: A series of one-shots in which Alana Bloom discovers, in the midst of various tropes, that her boyfriend Hannibal Lecter's feelings for Will Graham run far deeper than friendship. Basically a chance for Alana to shout at the pair of emotionally-repressed idiots whilst still indulging in much Hannigram loveliness.
Oh I loved all of this. This scratched that itch in my brain that loves when Alana realizes that Hannibal has wanted Will all along. And some of these one-shots are genuinely hysterical. Love.
Doctor's Orders by JSinister32
Word Count: 29.2k Summary: “He’s dead on his feet, Jack. I do not understand how you allowed him to come when he’s so obviously ill. There have been too many hours in service of your needs, so many that it seems to have affected any sleep that he may have gotten over the past few weeks. From what you and I have discussed, he has a difficult time shutting his mind down under the best of circumstances and this case today has clearly gotten to him.” The doctor stepped closer to the profiler, peering into his eyes as Will tried to focus. “Will? Can you hear me?” Will Graham has never been particularly good at taking care of himself. When he comes down with a severe cold while working on a string of murders, the new psychiatrist on retainer, Doctor Hannibal Lecter, offers to care for him. Will he be able to keep his feelings in check while Hannibal is in his home? Hannibal Lecter can't get the profiler working for the Violent Crimes unit out of his mind. When given the opportunity to care for him when he's ill, will his feelings for the other man come to light?
TENDER. I want like 70k more words of this. Especially Hannibal putting Jack in his place. Especially Hannibal washing Will's hair. Mmm. There's just something so good about Will letting Hannibal take care of him.
The First Condition of Immortality is Death by OneHandedBooks
Word Count: 92.5k Summary: Hannibal’s heart stopped for the first time after he’d dragged himself and Will out of the frigid ocean onto the rocky shore at the bottom of the bluff.
Oh this was GOOD. Very tender, good characterizations, and loved how Will's hallucinations were portrayed. This was just all a really good exploration of how their relationship could have progressed. This author also is incredibly good at showing the scenes in a way that I could watch them unfold in my head. This felt like a crystal clear movie.
What Do The Dead Know? by OneHandedBooks
Word Count: 7.6k Summary: He looks up at her, haloed by the sun. She could be anyone. No one. St. Abigail, patron of lilies and last chances. AU: What if Will joined Hannibal willingly after the Uffizi Gallery and they shared a few tense weeks in the world before Mason's men finally ran them down? In which Will writes, hallucinates, and succumbs to the dark side and Hannibal is a manipulative, brainwashing, bastard.
cw: Abigail/Will. But does it really count if it's a dream sequence? Regardless, this was something else, off the charts, big fan. The author NAILED the hallucinatory vibe that made this entire fic work so so well. Also, just Will working through his grief for Abigail this way made it that much more intense.
chimera of the chapel by bleakmidwinter
Word Count: 211.5k Summary: When Will Graham wakes up from a coma three months after the fall, Jack reveals that Hannibal Lecter didn't survive. Outside the realm of Hannibal's influence, Will decides to discover the full truth behind the world's sudden and seeming falsehood. Everybody seems to hold their own opinion on Hannibal's fate, but Will knows better than anyone that trust and honesty are as elusive as death.
The "presumed dead" trope might just be my new obsession. I adored this fic so much, the plot was incredible, the development of their relationship was spot on, and there were just some very tender moments.
wear my silence like a mask by bleakmidwinter
Word Count: 32.k Summary: After running into Hannibal at a Bass Pro Shop, Will is invited to a Masquerade Ball at his estate. Jack encourages him to attend for an opportunity to catch the Ripper. Extenuating circumstances tempt Will down an even graver path; Romance with the Ripper.
Three words: masked anonymous sex. That's all.
The Voices and the Shadows by darlinghogwarts, MaddyHughes
Word Count: 114.6k Summary: “The Chesapeake Ripper? The serial killer? That's a grisly thing to find at the bottom of a drink. Most people say oblivion ...or possibly sex.” Hannibal sips his wine again. “Why are you thinking about a murderer on your birthday, Will? Is it part of your degree?” “He is a part of my degree by my own choice. My supervisor didn’t approve, but…” He sighs. “I insisted.” AU where Will—a Masters student studying the Chesapeake Ripper—gets drunk on his birthday and meets an intriguing man at the bar.
Man, I wish I had had Hannibal as my thesis supervisor in grad school, hot damn. (Mine was pretty much too busy to help with anything, ended up doing it all myself – would not recommend.) This was was damn near perfect. I needed some good old fashioned angst. With a good and fluffy ending. This was a good AU!
Chasing Thoroughbreds by HigherMagic
Word Count: 42.8k Summary: After the fall, Chiyoh rescues Will and Hannibal and takes them to the Lecter home in Lithuania. When Hannibal wakes up, his memories of everything - Will, being the Ripper, everything since Mischa's death - are gone. Will's only problem with that is that killing Hannibal won't be nearly as satisfying if he doesn't understand why. Wrestling with his own feelings, or what's left in the tattered mess of them after the fight with Dolarhyde, Will stays, hoping that Hannibal will recover and give him the opportunity he's waiting for. But there are others who remember what Hannibal did, all those years ago, and they have their own bone to pick.
Ugh pretty sure I love almost everything HigherMagic writes and this did not disappoint. This was fantastic. I was absolutely captivated by Will's development through this and Hannibal was just as good.
Volto Larva by TreacleA
Word Count: 39k Summary: Will is having trouble unwinding after work. Hannibal helpfully suggests somewhere that may assist with that, with absolutely no ulterior motive whatsoever.
So ummmm I'm still blushing (in the best way) over parts of this fic because FUCK this is scorching. Anyway. That's all I've got to say LOL.
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a-very-sneaky-mimic · 3 months ago
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Successfully finished my map of the airship from my fic!
"If I Too Am Forgotten, Will You Look For Me In The Stars?"
(Was originally gonna be three decks but the last one is just empty cargo space so its not worth the effort lol)
(As I've said before, quite a few sprites are just edited/taken from the game, but any stuff that you don't recognize from the game is made by me.)
I've also annotated some neat details/notes! ^^
Annotations and non annotated version below the keep reading thingy.
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2. Star windows! ✨The light from them is faintly visible on the floor of the dandelion room!
1. The control console for the airship! It has a comically oversized compass, and reasonably sized barometer and a wind-speed-cup-spinny-thingy- you know what i mean.
Anyways it also has two little magic-crystal-wishcraft-orb-thingys that the pilot somehow uses to control the ship- idk ill figure that out later, they've got little stars in em though cause i think it looks neat!
3. Dandelion room! I think in my fic I may have described patterns all over the room- but imma retcon that to just the circle thingy depicted here, it only glows when the ship is actively being flown- so technically its impossible for the dandelion to be visible while the symbols are glowing but idk it looks cooler this way.
4. Hey! See those constellations?! Those are the irl zodiac constellations! all of them are as accurate as I could make them, with correct number of bright pixels for stars and lines in as close to true lines as i could make them
5. So all the stuff in the house is sorta low detail cause its frozen in time, so I got to be pretty creative coming up with details for the door!, it's got stars everywhere and even the writing along the top!
6. Odile has blocked her window on purpose, she doesn't need any more reminders how high in the sky they are :P
7. Mira has her ~bonding papers~ she needs distractions with the new emergency haha
8. Bonbon and Nils rooms! They're pretty barren, as they're both a bit mentally lost atm :(
But Bon has some of the food & spice supplies stored in theirs and Nils has Bon's sleeping bag in her room due to nightmares that may or may not occur in the futureee.
9. Loop aint gonna make their bed.
B. The stairway to the cargo bay! As I said before, i didn't map it as its basically just alot of empty space and crates & barrels etc.
Why is it "A" now instead of "10"??? Because the annotation circles I made didn't have room for two digits in this font! And I wasn't about to start over with bigger circles :D
A. Sif and Isa's room is arranged for optimal cuddle configuration.
C. Somebody's keeping an eye on the fam! (/◕ヮ◕)/
D. How does a stove work on a wooden airship???? IDK magic probably
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Now at long last I can start writing the next chapter 🙃
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lurkingshan · 1 year ago
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The Ride or Die Drama Couples List
So the other night I got a little sassy on main because some of the girlies were complaining that King the Land is focusing more on the couple moments (aka relationship development) between Gu Won and Sa Rang and doesn’t have enough plot. Which is a very typical fandom complaint about romcoms that I absolutely hate, because in a good romance the relationship is the plot, people! It’s bizarre attitudes like this that get us random murder plots spliced into every other romcom for the ratings, and I am begging y’all to stop the madness. 
Ahem. Anyway, that post seemed to resonate with some folks and get them discussing other dramas, and so inevitably @troubled-mind wandered into my notes and said gee Shan, it seems like maybe you should make a list of dramas that show us couples in a relationship and explore how they make it work and ultimately stay together. And I’ve warned y’all before, if you make a stray comment in my direction there will be a list coming your way. So here I am again, doing the absolute most.
Today I present to you a list of my favorite dramas that show you not only how the couple gets together, but also how they stay together. Criteria:
The couple doesn’t have to be together when the drama starts, but they do have to actually begin their romantic relationship no later than halfway through the drama’s run so that we have substantial time with them as a couple
The relationship development between the couple is a primary plot driver (so no dramas where there’s a great long term couple just hanging out in the background)
The relationship story may include some physical separation or even a temporary breakup, but not the betrayal kind–these are the sort that actually force an unaddressed issue to the surface and ultimately bring the couple even closer 
Happy endings only, these pairs are sticking together 
Ride or Die Drama Couples
Bad Buddy - Pat and Pran
(Thailand, YouTube)
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This is tumblr so do I really need to tell y’all about Pat and Pran? There is a reason we all lost our minds over this show and it’s because we got to be in this relationship with them so intensely and see them fight to stay together despite it all. Their ending is bittersweet because of their families, but the show leaves us no doubt that they both think the other is worth it and they will always stick it out together. 
Dark Blue Kiss - Pete and Kao
(Thailand, YouTube)
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Shout out to the OGs! Pete and Kao originally got together in the Kiss series (you can watch it, but you really don’t have to, fam) and Dark Blue Kiss brings them back three years into their long-term relationship to give us a peek into their struggles with the closet and the toll it takes on both of them individually as well as the strain it puts on their relationship. 
Flower of Evil - Hee Sung and Ji Won
(S Korea, Netflix or Viki)
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Hee Sung and Ji Won are already married (with an adorable daughter) when this drama begins, and the backstory of their relationship is unspooled alongside the larger mystery at the heart of the show. One of the most fascinating and heart wrenching love stories I have ever seen, centered on a character who is so emotionally damaged that he genuinely believes he is incapable of love even as love pours out of him. Damn, I’m gonna make myself cry into my oatmeal.
It’s Okay, That’s Love - Jae Yeol and Hae Soo
(S Korea, Viki)
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Speaking of crying, lord. Ahhhhhhh. Let me pull myself together. It’s Okay, That’s Love is a healing drama about two people who fall in love and support each other through serious mental health challenges. I don’t really want to say much more than that. Bring tissues, besties!
La Pluie - Patts and Saengtai
(Thailand, iQIYI)
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My beloved! This Thai drama is about a pair of soulmates–or are they–who find each other and try to make their relationship work. That’s it, that’s the show. In this drama, the relationship truly is the plot, despite some of the fantasy elements being used to highlight its themes. La Pluie is about the importance of choice and a rebuke of romantic fantasies that fate and destiny will handle your love life for you. I and many others have written about it extensively, so if you decide to watch, you can go nuts on meta. 
Lighter & Princess - Li Xun and Zhu Yun
(China, Viki)
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I really love this show. This is a long format drama so there will be longer stretches where the couple still has not officially gotten together, but the relationship between them is the heart of the entire show, and we get the distinct pleasure of watching them fall in love twice, and the second time figure out how to make it stick. Such a treat.
One Spring Night - Ji Ho and Jung In
(S Korea, Netflix)
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Oh how I love this quiet little drama about two people who fall for each other while one is still in a relationship with someone else, and figure out how to untangle the mess they’re in. We get to see them not only fall in love, but figure out how to become a unit who can withstand the harsh judgment coming their way and become a family on their own terms. Bonus adorable child alert!
Tomorrow With You - So Joon and Ma Rin
(S Korea, Viki)
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This time travel melodrama is one of those that I started with no expectations and then sat up part way through and said what gave you the right to be this good! This is another one where the relationship begins for dubious reasons, but the suspect motives are quickly taken over by genuine feeling. We really get to live with the relationship in this one and the message is all about treasuring the life and time we have together. 
The Rebel Princess - Awu (Wang Xuan) and Xiao Qi
(China, Viki)
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I think the phrase Ride or Die was actually invented for them. Talk about a power couple. Once these two get to know each other (this is a historical so as per usual, their marriage wasn’t actually their choice but rather the result of some asshole’s machinations in a quest for power, joke’s on them though) they are in, baby, and their devotion and loyalty never wavers. This is a historical epic in war time, so the couple will be physically separated multiple times, but it only makes them stronger and each of their reunions sweeter. Their relationship is the heart of the show and the throughline in their chaotic lives.
What Did You Eat Yesterday? - Shiro and Kenji
(Japan, the ether)
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Saving the best for last because this right here is the GOAT in this category. It sits at the top of my all-time favorite dramas list and I love it passionately. Because y’all? This drama is explicitly about a middle-aged couple learning how to be together in a long-term relationship. That is the entire plot. And it’s fantastic. Stop reading this and go watch it!
Honorable Mentions
Yumi’s Cells - Yu Mi and Goo Wong 
(S Korea, Viki)
This one is not on the list proper because (gasp) the couple doesn’t end up together. I know, I’m still sad about it, too, even though I went into this drama fully aware of the concept (a season about each of Yu Mi’s major relationships). But man. Yu Mi and Goo Wong just have that something, you know? Even knowing they don’t stick it out, it’s a delight to watch them fall in love and settle into a relationship together. Technically there is a second season featuring Yu Mi’s next relationship (Babi? I don’t know her), but I don’t want to recommend it and you can’t make me.
I must also give a shout out to the bl season 2s that exist expressly for the purpose of showing how the characters settle into a relationship after the first season get together:
Gameboys 2 (Philippines, Gaga) - Cairo and Gavreel
Minato’s Laundromat 2 (Japan, Gaga)- Shin and Minato 
SOTUS S and Our Skyy (Thailand, YouTube) - Kongpob and Arthit
Still 2gether (Thailand, YouTube) - Tine and Sarawat
Utsukushii Kare 2 (Japan, Gaga) - Hira and Kiyoi
And because this is my post and I make the rules, I am also doing some honorable mentions of the friends to lovers slow burns where technically they are not together until the final arc of the story but let’s be serious they are together the whole time and just don’t realize it yet so you know exactly what their relationship is going to look like:
Fight for My Way (S Korea, Viki) - Dong Man and Ae Ra
Happiness (S Korea, Viki) - Sae Bom and Yi Hyun
Hospital Playlist 1 and 2 (S Korea, Viki) - Song Hwa and Ik Jun
My Only 12% (Thailand, iQIYI) - Seeiw and Cake
My Ride (Thailand, Gaga or YouTube) - Mork and Tawan 
Romance is a Bonus Book (S Korea, Netflix) - Dan Yi and Eun Ho
Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-Joo (S Korea, Viki) - Joon Hyeong and Bok Joo
Whoops you woke the beast @troubled-mind. @rocketturtle4 @neuroticbookworm @chickenstrangers here are more for your mile long rec lists. :)))
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bettertwin1 · 7 months ago
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Why do u even post here? This ‘roleplay’ crap is so weird… just stop posting on tumblr. All the stuff you post is mediocre and i bet nobody has actually felt joy when talking with you. Also, tf is ‘starself’??? This pronoun crap is stupid. How do look at yourself in a mirror and confidentiality say, “ I identify as a fuckin star!!!” Its weird….
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First of all, I am taking nothing u said personally cause u said it all on anonymous and that says alot about you <- (ur a PUSSY. HOP OFF ANON) second of all, ur mad i'm of whimsy, cleary.
If you want me to entertain ur "asks" tho i can try
Bleehh Xp
"Smth smth ugly art" Show me your art?
U can talk abt lfls i just don't like it personally so i'd rather not hear abt it plus the shock collar jokes r unfunny and boring.
Also ur question is dumb "If it makes you uncomfortable why did you read it?" <- I'M CRYING LAUGHING IF YOU CAN'T SEE WHY THAT'S A STUPID QUESTION THEN I'M SORRY 😭😭😭
"I love rottmnt but I still have a life" <- clearly not since u sent 3 paragraphs worth of complaints for pronouns and a blog u don't run OH BROTHERR!!!! 😭😭😭😭 UR SO ANGRY AT DA WORLD!!! IT'S INSANE!!! HELEPP
Also my fam jump to defend me cause they love and care abt me?? Is that a hard concept to grasp 😭😭
I have many hobbies u have to guess tho
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